Thank God I'm Alive.

The day when you finally dealing with the near death experience.

You keep thanking God for saving your life, but still you feel nothing.

All the things that crossed your mind in that time.

...and I've been wondering why there's you inside my head when I was in that car crash.

Nothing.

But, Thank God I'm alive.

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There's always thing that you could feel gratitude for even after a really bad things happened to you.

We always look on the bright side, don't we?

We pretend to do so.

If we don't, every realist gonna pity themselves way out of their mind set.

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One thing that I've been questioning until now is how great the universe conspired to help me, when I didn't expect it.

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The good thing about experiencing death is you finally know what things that really really you want and you need, I mean like equally in the same amount of needs and wants.

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I want...almost everything and then I realized...the truth is I never want anything, I eager to have almost everthing - I don't want it - I wanna have it. And it has a really big difference meanings. I realized that I want nothing. I just spill the truth out. We never want anything. We just wanna to be remember as we could be.

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Not forget to say, you know why we're too scared to try? We're avoiding the failure, not because we have this tendention, tendance to be a coward, it's just not that - instead of that kinda feeling, we just don't wanna to tidy up our own mess. I don't know why but we know that cleaning up our own mess is the reason why we're too scared to try things in the first place. Giving an example, I always scare to be parents, I mean it's like "I have to take care of your shit since you born and it will continue later on." - and I never be ready to take care other people shit, presumably because I'm a scumbag egoistic person - and it will change from now. I will fall. I will mess my life up. I won't be scared to try stupid things. I won't be scared to be looked as stupid person. Because the stupidity that makes its worth living - because the stupid story and the moment you laugh yourself out that counts the most.

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And you know that your obsession will take you somewhere. Your dreams will lift you up. Besides, pride only takes you to the place you want, temporarily and it won't last long. Among all this twisted mind, I know that near death experience never make you traumatic, otherwise it makes you know that the scariness has lost its meaning - kinda cliché but every tiny things that supposed to be cliché are the almost unbeatable premises. Last, you know life lessons always teach you to wait...
20121020/PJI