Travelogue: Long Way to Live A Life

All pictures were taken by Jessy Ismoyo (Bali, 2017)

"Standing at the station. We don't know what to say. Looking out the window as you're roling away. If I'm gonna be alone, let it be with you. Mother, don't you cry. We're gonna be all right. Open up your suitcase. When you get there tonight, you're not alone, I'm always...always here with you. No matter where we go from here. No matter how the cards were fold. I'll pick you up and you hold me too. So don't give up on me, I'll never give up on you. Everything's gonna be all right. I know you believe it too. If I'm gonna be alone, then let it be with you. Look up not, not down. It all comes around, even when you're gone. We can always come back to this. We can always, always, always, we can always come back to this." (Brian Tyree - We Can Always Come Back to This)

One thing you should know before you read this one, every beauty came with deep dumps. And only because, only because that dump, one would able to understand and hold a judgement, because one would know that every beautiful thing had thorn.

Earlier in this month, around three weeks ago, I went to the longest lone ride. I went to Bali, after long tiring trip from Bromo, East Java. Not to mention, I had to go to Jakarta to attend the seminar by French Minister of Foreign Affairs and International Development, Jean-Marc Ayrault and back to Salatiga at the very same day, and went straight to Bali after that. In sum, I spent 36 hours or so by Bus, 8 hours by Train, and 4 hours by plane. It did not include, the time spent in Jakarta's traffic jam, which made me miss my flight. Yes, I missed the flight, due to the tardiness of the seminar. Initially, the event was planned at 2 PM, but the event was started at 3 PM, and ended at 4:15 PM. After that, I had to attend a little meeting with my friend to talk about the documenter movie workshop that I was planning, which would be held next month.

I was planning it already in very good schedule. But, reality didn't happen so. Similar with life, wasn't it? Something that I regret was poor communication which was delivered in very unpleasant way, it affected me so deep, which made me question about the existence of several people. How people could be so (I failed to find the right word, but you know), to make someone look bad in the eyes of the others. I had to reschedule everything that night, went back and forth to one railway station to another to find the return ticket, so I could be able to arrive at Salatiga before 7 AM.

I was there shaking, had no money left to pay the return ticket, and all I could do was holding a cry...asking for help. It was saddened me, to even look back the picture of me that night. I remember how I felt so alone and helpless, afraid and had no clue what should I do next to figure things out, to make this right again? If it were not for my family, I certainly would not be able make through the night (it was an important for me how a family could be just there for you in your lowest time - most of people couldn't even lend a hand in time when you need them the most).

So to speak, I had a very very sad day. But, hey, I survived. Not because of myself, but because Mom, Dad, and my sister which greatly helped...mentally and financially. I was crying back there, but I was able to crawl out, thanks to the help of the loved ones. Why did I decide to write it down? I called it shots, so people would know...those evil times that made us strong. So people would know, strength did not come from the absence of tears. It came from the capacity to find a way out in a very limited time, to resolve the problem under great pressure. That was love. By just being there showed great responsiblity. That, my darling, was love. Not only typing hello and saying words, love was hand-in-hand behind the warm shelter, of which was reliable.

The trials did not only stop there. I had to face people looking at me like I was the bad one, because I was alone, because I was a girl alone on a trip and standing there in 3 AM in the morning. I heard them whispering: "Kok perempuan di luar, sendirian, malam-malam begini." At that very moment, I was hurt. Those sentences were deeply hurt me, I would go crazy and saying: "Oh, you have no idea what I have been through." But, I silenced myself. It was not even a good timing to say such things in such circumstances. Again, I was alone. Again, I was survived.

It was still fresh in my memory, I arrived at home at 5 AM. I fell asleep instantly, woke up at 6 AM to do little packing, and went again to go to Bali with all the workmates. All emphathy was showed there, but still, it didn't ease 'something' I just had on my way there. Not even close. But, I smiled. It's all I could do, smiling and telling people that everything was all right. Was I doing it to be strong in the eyes of others? No, I did that to cut the story behind because I was tired to tell it over and over again. It was rough night and I had it enough for myself.

Well, it seemed like I had long haul of misfortune, but I was glad that I was survived.