A Book for Kristian

30 POEMS TO KRISTIAN ERDIANTO

After a long consideration, I decided to post it here. As you know, I made this book in 2015 as Valentine's gift. I wrote 30 poems based on the journey of the relationship from the very first time he and I met, the time when the feeling grows, the space left when nothing was said and done, the longing to be near, the irritation as much as the admiration. Everything I feel, I poured it down.

This is, by far, the most craziest thing I do for a man. I know I always come up with a surprise, a present, or anything. But this is the mostest amongst all before, because it involves so much feelings and efforts, of which traits I adore from a person as a lover. Efforts and depth.

The idea starts from a keen realization that I can't express a thing by talking. I, myself, know that I always write better than speak. To avoid all misunderstanding that may heave in sight, to express such an amount of gratitude, to brag about how deep love could change a person. For those reasons, I decided to write it all.

Tonight, I reread that book from my iPhone. I think I am going to share a few of my favorites here as a reminder of how great things happened last year.

(14)

Sad story is all sorry

I shouldn't be worry

Because all is good

in every end of one's weary

(17)

I love you without unless

I love you without tresspasses

I love you until the rest

Oh,

I love you the best

(30)

Further you go

nearest I feel

because I know

in your absence

I will welcome your existence

Deliriums...

Papercuts...

Butterflies...

I see brown eyes

I hear broken bells

I smell roses

and the time has just passed

I draw a map

I find a pen

I write your name

I lock you inside my hand

and I see you there looking at me

smiling

caught me writing relentlessly your name

on paper

My favorite part is placed in the back of the book, "Sometimes, perhaps for only an instant, we fail to resonate with our companion, for a moment we're questioning our partner's feelings, and thus we come to doubt our own. Most of the times, it arrives because the uncertainty given by the perception of our lover. With this book, the author tries to express what she is not able to say directly. She cuts the false perception that may arise. She places 30 poems as the result of all intense feelings she has experienced towards a person. In a methaporical meaning as it is brief, the author hopes that particular person can be moved by her words." It calls to mind everything is counted, every gesture, every eyes movement, every morning text, every untold story, everything in between leads to the conclusion: being hurt is the part of growing your love. As a comparison, it's like making mistakes in life. You need it to grow wiser, wiser, and wiser.

At the end of this writing, I would like to say thank you to everything, to everyone, to the universe. At this very point of my life, I look back and I have no regret. It's true what people said, mistakes done, only gives you a lesson learned. I learned something, tonight, that it is okay to show much admiration, is fine to give your all because you will always find out how to get up after the worst drama, and you will love again, better, much much better, so don't hold on the love to yourself, give it, give it all.

With love,

Jessy Ismoyo