Letter to God: Work Your Everyday' Life

Jakarta, 2017, Jessy Ismoyo.

"Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless - like chasing the wind." (NLT)

— Ecclesiastes 4:4

I put Bridge Over Troubled Water by Roberta Flack in repeat. Every time I am down, I listen to this song and get down on my knees and pray. "When you're weary and feeling small and tears are in your eyes, I dry them all...I'm on your side when times get rough and friends just can't be found. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down. When you're on the street, when evening falls so hard, I will comfort you, I'll take your part and pain is all around. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down. Sail on, silver girl. Sail on by. Your time has come to shine. All your dreams are on their own way. See how they shine. Oh, if you need a friend. I'm sailing right behind. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind. Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind..."

I read something that warms my heart instantly today. Funny, people think I am being religious only by citing one verse in the bible. Everytime I cite everything from everywhere, I know I detach all the prejudice that might attach in that book, including bible. I read bible like I read most of the books, and Ecclesiastes is always be my favorite, for it tells me the wisdom we gain in misery. I read bible like I read literary work, I enjoy the rhyme, the syntax, the meaning, and the context. That is why I said, it is funny to see me as religious when I borrow a line or two from bible. Labelling people 'religious' like that is like it's like turning your vehicle off the road when you see the fog in front of your eyes. You think that it might be dangerous and you refuse to take risks. So, you take the simple u-turn from that kind of people by judging them. Hold that thought, do we realy need 'labelling'? Why don't we be opened to everything and just be fine with it, as long as we keep peace in our heart, instead of faking the harmony?

That's not I want to talk about. Otherwise, I read one verse that tells me about 'something' that drives us and our purpose regarding being successful? We always find some people resent other just because they have 'more' dan they 'can do more' than us. It leads us to wrong motives to be success, or should I say, to be happy? I just watch again Pursuit of Happyness today. Just because I need it, in the midst of this...what-should-I-say...obscurity happening right now, in my life (nah, not love, I'm talking about future planning of study). It's hard to find people who think and work in the same frequency...in order to make change. That's my flaw, I find it hard to be persuasive, to invite people to work together, one terrible flaw I have, I know. And, that brings so much misconception in everything I do.

It's not a competition, it never was, it never will be. Making jealousy and doing things that make each other fall, in order to win something, only gives us fruitless lesson over life. Life is weird, grown-up is so confusing. Why can't we say something good, do something good to others, starting from...transform the system? Starting from appreciate everything, raise the standards, helping those who can't...so they can reach their own standards. There's significant difference between being assertive and forceful. The first is the aim, the latter is oftenly mistaken...

I thought, it would stop when I'm being a student. Being on the edge because bring some change, also means, ruining others' comfort zone. And, not everyone, like changing, you know. There goes my fatal flaw. I ask myself again, do I really need to bring changes? Not really. But, what if, what if, opportunity comes to me, to us, to the circumstances...isn't it a little bit hidebound if we refuse it just because we don't want to 'compromise' more.

Honestly, I don't believe in the notion 'You work for God, then you don't have to ask more...just be thankful for what you have today'. Nah. I don't believe in that. I believe that God make us living well off, by any means, God provides us with whatever we need. So if we need more, we ask, we pray, and if it brings good to many people, God provides...God provides. Mute ourself and put everything in silence, baptizing all that status quo argumentation in God's words is just not right.

It happens when I'm being a Youth Leader in church, it happens again...here and now. God have mercy on me, God put strength on me for whatever I do is not for myself. Everything I do is for the good of the people. No, it's not 'bias' at all, I can define what's good. Let me tell you something about 'good' thing in person, in life, in everything we see. Good is good if anything involved, let us 'grow'. Yes, the key is to grow, to develop, to be better than yourself today. If the circumstance is too poignant to let yourself grow, you know what to do. You create it yourself, you make the happiness grows out of the impossible things, or it's me that need 'compromise' by stop trying so hard and find another thing that let myself grow.

But, I thought it wouldn't be this draining, it wouldn't be this devastating...

I was wrong...

It's hard, and it becomes harder everyday...

I hope God could put much love for me...to tolerate all of this things...

I hope I'm not the one who is chasing the wind...

I hope I, we, can work together to something better...

I hope we can put great faith in turning whatever we said about each other into something better...

I don't want 'best', 'better' is enough...

For me, 'better' is more than enough...

I hope I still have the courage to carry on...

With love,

ISMOYO Jessy